Tuesday, January 13, 2009

New Eyes



I was driving back from a house dedication yesterday when I came to a horrible realization. I am desensitized. Being emerged in such culture as this at first is incredibly over whelming. Houses made from tarps, wooden slabs, scrap metal.. children with no shoes,food or a family..people are dying from something as simple as having no blankets at night. From seeing and hearing these types of situations every single day, the shock factor has left my heart a little. For some people that would sound good. The everyday heartache and pain finally leaving your body after these daily witnesses. That statement could not be more wrong. I pray daily that God will give me the eyes and the heart that I first had, my first day here in Ensenada. It is not OK to see this lifestyle as "ok". I find myself in my head saying "oh yea, well that's normal, that's just how they live". How am I ever going to realy push myself to make a difference if slowly everything turns to normality? I find it so easy just to fall into this confortable state of being. I feel like a hypocrite. I am constantly telling people that 'God does not want us to be comfortable'. He wants us to jump outside of our comfort zones and really get messy with life! I've realized that I am so comfortable here seeing this lifestyle that it slowed my motivation. Since I came to this realization I have this new throb in my heart and this new drive aching through my bones to just get out there and get messy! I'm not sure what God's trying to tell me through this, but whatever it is I am ready and running! Looking through new eyes has never felt more refreshing.

Big Girls Dont Cry

So this entry will seem a little bit random, however it will all come together at the end.The first chunk of this entry is more or less an apology to my mom and dad. Growing up I had everything I could ever want, and more. My parents gave their left arm to make things possible for my sister and I. A beautiful home, food, clothing, protection, an education and so much love. The small things that parents do for their children usually go unnoticed as they simply make up part of a normal day. Always having food on the table, driving us to numberless places, always keeping us entertained and keeping us safe wherever we went. Looking back I will admit I was quite the spoiled child. My mom did my laundry for me, cleaned my room and did the dishes. I rarely helped out without a fuss, if at all. Both my mom and dad would drive me anywhere I needed to go, no matter what they had on their crazy schedule. My health was also super important to them. Physical, mental or emotional problems I had, they would do everything and anything possible to make things better. Sick in the middle of the night and my mom would be right by my side, tummy ache? My dad would get out of bed and I would be at the after hours clinic stat. I can think back to the endless school problems I had and my mom would do anything she could to solve my “life problems”. So up until I was 19 I had been living with my parents, living what I would call, an easy life. Last summer I moved here, to Ensenada Mexico to do long term missionary work. I live with Rhonda and my best friend Brittney. However in great company, I am thus without the parents! First thoughts, Woo Hoo! Second thoughts, well this isn’t so easy. This is where the guilt sets in. Doing my laundry every week, cooking all own meals, being on the ball for appointments/meetings makes me really be thankful for all that my parents did for me. I am not at all complaining about needing to do these things on my own, however it has finally made me realize and appreciate my mom and dads hard work. Every time I get upset with people not doing their dishes, or not putting stuff away, I think how my parents must have felt time after time I argued to do the smallest of tasks. I’m sure most kids are the same in the fact of not being nearly appreciative as they should be, however being here and witnessing some of these things has really put it upon my heart.The children in most of these villages have nothing. One pair of shoes, if that, a few pieces of clothing and sometimes nothing to sleep on. Their parents, if both are still around, will work all day in the fields or elsewhere for a few dollars a day just to get by. These kids simply blow me away how thankful and happy they are with what they are provided. There are 7 year olds taking care of the rest of the family while the parents are at work. There are children running around with no shoes, empty bellies, filthy clothes and the biggest of smiles on their faces. Every time I look at these kids my heart breaks. I had it all, and took it all for granted. I am so grateful for everything my parents ever did for me and I can’t express how much I love them. I am who I am today because of them. I’m taking the love I feel from them and from my childhood and expressing it to the kids and family around me here. I want those kids to have the best and nothing less. Steph Wignall.

Monday, January 12, 2009

AGAPE

Agape - "Agape is disinterested love. … Agape does not begin by discriminating between worthy and unworthy people, or any qualities people possess. It begins by loving others for their sakes. … It springs from the need of the other person."

Love.Before coming here to EOC, I never realized how easy it is to love someone. For example, two weeks ago I was invited by another intern to visit a family in which she had built their house a few years ago with her church group. I stepped out of the van, walked over to their front gate to be greeted by this little girl with her arms stretched out, about to give me a big hug. Here i am, a random stranger to this girl... yet she greets me with a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. Love. It can happen so easily between any two people. From any walks of life. Doing missionary work here has opened up that concept for me.Back at home, in Canada, I had a different idea of what love was. I had to of known that person for a long period of time, I had to know their life story, had to have complete trust in them.. etc etc... Now if you've ever gone to Sunday school, a Christian retreat, or even church... you'll know how much God wants us to simply love each other.. Just as we are. I never really "got it" until this summer... I never understood fully how to love your neighbor.. until now. It's so simple. How and why do we make it more difficult than that? God wants us to love each other.. as brothers and sisters in Christ.. but we seem to limit how much we give out our love.Doing this internship really brought out a piece of me that i didn't know existed. I don't know how else to put it.. But this summer i am more fired up about what God has to offer than ever before..God has shown me true AGAPE.
(post from 2007)